


to begin again

by wheebyuls



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/F, im sorry lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 18:20:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20783021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheebyuls/pseuds/wheebyuls
Summary: wheein stared at the spacious living room. everything was still, fucking stagnant. nothing changed— that lamp was still there, the couch still reeked of alcohol, the cover of the remote still missing. everything was the same and wheein did not know how to feel about it."it's time to move on,"she whispered as she made her way out, pulling the door shut.was she ready?





	to begin again

nothing's permanent.

everything aged and grew older and desecrated and time was the culprit. death inescapable. take a dusty table as example—or a woman's hair color. monday morning, the dusty table could house a dust bunny civilization. tuesday evening, the woman decided to dye her hair black from brown. nothing stayed the same. the table’s clean at friday. previously brown dyed tips now black. big or small, there were transitions.

spotted it? good for you. missed the chance? the world will go on.

there were changes in wheein too. changes that whispered in the dark while she gripped on a shared blanket, the other half draped on a sprawled figure. internal distraught that yelled through a megaphone, her rib cage growing weaker and weaker every night.

this wasn't supposed to happen.

is this how things will be?

is there anything that could be done?

_is it worth it?_

it's a beautiful night. the city lights blinked and lingered, the background too familiar. everything’s surreal, like a dream wheein just couldn’t escape. the clouds were fluffy, the edges so similar of cotton candy. the black sky had gentler dots of lights yet still breathtaking. just like a computer background.

what was *she* doing?

she must've noticed. of course, she did.

she noticed something changed.

did she?

it wasn't until wheein's name was called (twice. the second a little louder than supposed to) that the stinging high pitch returned. "jung," wheein almost dug for her eardrum to give it a good sound check. why the glasses of their office haven't shattered from this woman's painful voice was beyond wheein.

wheein stayed silent, back now straight and alert.

just behind the frustrated supervisor, the clock read forty minutes past nine.

late again.

"i want this done by this week," okay, but no one wants you. "what are you doing as a team leader? this has been lying around for a week now," lowering your head and nodding was the best response so that’s what wheein did.

"keep this up and i might consider opening your position."

the concerned glances shot at wheein fell on her bucket of 'i don’t care'. there was the temptation to defend herself, explain where the lack of creativity rooted, but there was no one winning in an argument with their immediate officer.

silence.

the city lights blinked again, time forcing other lights to rest. soon, their office's light turned black.

* * * 

"take care!"

smile and wave, boys. smile and wave. within seconds wheein was inside her car. the rhythmic ticks of the blinking headlights drowned the ringing for a good while until the vibration on her thigh.

she's calling.

wheein turned the call down.

a message illuminated the screen this time.

from: sun  
where are you? it's midnight. i'm just worried.

before jack frost could claim her soul, firstly her fingers, wheein turned the engine on. the low roar blanketed wheein's sigh and soon, heat colored her skin.

she's just worried.

to: sun  
emergency meeting. driving. food?

how long does one take to reply? five minutes tops? given the circumstances, wheein's question didn't require intense thinking. shit, the answer could be as easy as yes or no.

ten minutes of nothing was enough.

wheein drove home, phone on airplane mode. 

* * *

the clanking of wheein's keys didn't feel right. ever saw a burglar personally unlock their jail cell? that's what it was like; stepping into prison willingly with or without convict.

the car's strawberry freshener strengthened with wheein's every step. a reminder that she spent too much time in the vehicle.

she won’t notice that, right?

yongsun seemed to sniff every scent, notice every missing hair strand, question the change of socks.

the door was dreadful. this was dreadful. everything’s so heavy. for the nth time today, a sigh brushed past wheein’s lips, her head hanging low in defeat.

then she saw the door mat.

it’s a rectangle fuzzy mat; left half yellow. the color housed a popular character that resembled wheein. pikachu. beside pikachu, smiles identical, was squirtle. a character that resembled…

her.

* * *

“come on. i want this,”

“unnie… that’s too… isn’t that too young for us?”

in yongsun’s defense, the color of the mat stood out. the yellows and baby blues really resembled pikachu and squirtle. not like it was supposed to resemble something else. despite the wheein’s willpower, her head hung low when an elderly passed by with squinted eyes.

but yongsun didn’t care.

she never did.

the glint in her eyes showed determination unbreakable.

wheein loved that.

“don’t make me remind you who’s the real nerd here,”

wheein’s face turned red within seconds. as if that wasn’t enough to fluster the younger, yongsun’s proximity, hot breath against her cheek, did it. “why am i being a-attacked?”

“you finished that series—i actually forgot the title but—i’m buying this.”

“but,”

it’s during this moment the age difference reflected. yongsun often used it against wheein. before words could negotiate again, a finger laid on wheein’s lips.

“shut up, wheein. it’s agreed,”

“looks like no one’s hanging out at our apartment soon,”

“i”ll invite them,”

“not with that doormat,”

it’s during this moment the age difference reflected again. mentally. yongsun’s lower lip jutted out, brows furrowing and eyes—you get the picture. “stop that.” after careful glances from left to right, wheein leaned closer, taking the pout as an invitation for a peck.

“but you’re also doing it,” yongsun whined as she stared at wheein inching closer.

“you’re an embarrassment,”

“we’re in this together,” after a peck, a loud one (yongsun smacked wheein’s arm after. she hated that), the two strolled down the isle.

“yep, we are.” wheein’s smile beamed and gleamed and if it made a sound, it would’ve been heard three isles away. maybe it sounded like a michael buble song.

“i love you,”

yongsun grinned, the tip of her nose brushing against wheein’s. the mat, sprawled on the cart, looked funny. yongsun was funny.

wheein loved yongsun.

“i love you too,”

* * *

without looking, wheein hung her coat on the rack, toed her shoes off, and threw the keys on the counter. most of yongsun’s coats occupied the rack but there’s always a spot for wheein. the woman had too many for her own good.

it’s dark, the little lamp on the corner of the room providing little light. it’s enough to reveal a lumped figure on the couch though, curled up with the face buried in her arms.

good. she’s sleeping.

“wheein?”

or not.

“hey,”

the kitchen felt at least five hundred meters away from the confrontation. hopefully, the rustling and panic didn’t show too much. besides wheein’s beating heart, the only sound that lingered was the kitchen light flickering on. 

for a second, wheein stared at nothing. not wanting to return empty handed, wheein grabbed herself a glass of water.

“have you eaten?” yongsun’s voice was so soft, wheein would’ve missed the question for the fridge’s door closing if not for stopping a second.

“yeah. i had to eat back in the office. boss didn’t give me a break.”

three big gulps and the glass was empty. after filling it, wheein stepped out of the kitchen, her shadow towering the dark room. the edges lighted yongsun’s knees, a little of her face but barely. she looked sleepy.

“have you eaten?” the heavy silence forced wheein to ask. she would ask, don’t get her wrong, but the awkwardness had her blurting it out sooner.

wheein couldn’t see yongsun.

“no—but I’m okay,”

are you really?

“you should go back to sleep,”

“won’t you join me?” yongsun was quick to ask. the hope in yongsun’s voice was too evident to ignore.

“i still have things to do. i”ll follow as soon as i can,”

“but it’s almost two in the morning,”

fuck. it’s that late? time moved too fast. yongsun turned her head up at the wall clock hanging above the lamp. gentle yellows lighted her face and wheein sighed at the sight. yongsun’s eyes were puffy. was it from lack of sleep? maybe…

“i have things to do. you go ahead and i’ll be with you as soon as i can.”

“i’ll wait for—“

wheein snapped. perhaps she’s tired. perhaps, it wasn’t her night. or maybe this whole thing was just too much at this point.

“you were sleeping when i arrived. don’t let me stop you from what you’re doing. i said i have things to do,”

yongsun flinched. wheein’s voice didn’t raise. in fact, there’s no trace of aggression on the tone. it’s the words that stabbed.

“sleep.”

“it’s okay. i waited for you. so i can be with you.”

“aren’t i with you now?”

the silence almost forced wheein to step out for a while until yongsun’s soft voice pulled her back.

“we’re together, aren’t we?” yongsun chuckled.

“we’re together but it never felt like you’re actually here.”

it hit wheein.

finally, everything dawned on wheein. the door was within reach but she didn’t move. rooted on the wooden floor, wheein stared at nothing. yongsun must be crying. her eyes must be red. she’s frustrated. of course she was—who wouldn’t be?

wheein couldn’t get herself to look at yongsun.

“it’s me, isn’t it? i did something. i always do,”

was it yongsun? no…

“please just sleep. we don’t need this tonight. we’re both tired and—”

“i need it.”

“no. you don’t need it right now,”

“face me at least,”

“fuck’s sake, yongsun. just fucking sleep.”

wheein heard footsteps. and on her way out, she heard sobs. was it yongsun’s or her own?

* * *

only workaholics wished for work on sundays.

was wheein a workaholic? she hasn’t touched any project since monday so that’s a definite no.

wheein tried to do something today. she picked up a book and browsed a couple pages only to give up when her eyes weighed more than they did. working out was out of the question. settling on the only thing she knew, wheein pulled her laptop out and started working. again.

the shuffling footsteps behind conceived a sigh from wheein.

“slept any good?” yongsun asked, voice cracking from traces of morning.

“yes.” wheein typed on her laptop, ignoring the presence behind.

“still working, huh?”

wheein wasn’t certain if yongsun meant to ask or just speak her thoughts.

silence again.

then arms slowly wrapped around her neck, the scent of bed and home too close. yongsun was a wall of warmth and she’s too comfortable.

wheein’s supposed to lean back right?

that’s how it’s supposed to be.

wheein flinched and moved away.

who would’ve known silence could be this deadly?

the wall of warmth quickly turned cold and when yongsun pulled back, wheein saw her eyes glinting.

“please,”

yongsun breathed the word out, sniffling and slowly crumbling to pieces. wheein kept her eyes on her laptop’s screen. sadness started welling up inside, evaporating to tears in the brim of her eyes.

“it’s been months,” wheein’s voice broke. for so long, for months, wheein’s voice finally cracked. wheein’s heart finally… cracked.

“don’t say it,”

how do you break up with someone? this has been coming for months. it’s from the uninvited dinners, the sleepless nights, the unanswered calls.

yongsun knew this was coming.

“we’ll only keep hurting,”

“don’t,”

“i’m sorry…”

“please don’t,”

yongsun never cried. no messy sobbing, no ugly faces.

yet here she was, vulnerable and broken. yongsun weeped and when wheein saw seamless tears continuously running down her cheeks, wheein bit her lip. her own tears followed suit, her heart tugging at something inside her chest. it’s painful. this was so painful.

yongsun tried to calm herself but failed. the palm over her mouth only heightened her broken sobs, the sunlight revealing the fast tears running down.

“it’s not your fault—it’s no one’s fault.”

yongsun shook her head with her chin tucked, her sobbing like a defense mechanism as she stepped back. wheein reached for yongsun, hands extended but yongsun refused to succumb.

“i tried—believe me, i tried, but i’m worn out. this is all i can do, this is my limit.”

“wheein…”

yongsun’s knees lost all strength. both her palms still tried to conceal the weeping yet the sobs never turned down. wheein’s breathing wasn’t low either.

“yongsun…”

“no. no… no! i know what you’re trying to do,” dark circles soon appeared before yongsun, tears now falling to the ground. “i know—you’re making me hate you. you’re making this easier. you’re shit at this,”

yongsun shook. she aimed a shaky accusing finger at wheein.

“do better, wheein.”

wheein wished that was the case. oh, lord, it would’ve been better that way.

“no. no, that’s not it, yongsun.”

when their eyes finally met again, panic settled on yongsun yet again. this was it.

“i’m sorry,”

“don’t say it—“

“it’s better if we—“

“don’t say it!” yongsun screamed while wheein wept.

“let’s breakup.”

yongsun’s world broke like a wine glass hitting the ground. she said it. she fucking said it. pieces everywhere and a complete mess. yongsun’s world was ending and wheein heard it all. she also heard yongsun trying to stifle the pain, to conceal this vulnerability.

“let’s go our separate ways.”

yongsun’s defeated figure was a painful sight and after a final sniff, wheein wiped her eyes clear. she needed to get out. laptop closed, wheein headed towards the bedroom until yongsun mumbled.

wheein halted, staring at the woman on the ground.

“...two months,”

“what?”

yongsun’s eyes were red, face a wet mess.

“stay. just stay. for two months.”

“two months?” Wheein repeated, confusion causing her face to twist. “what’s the point?”

yongsun flinched and scoffed.

“i don’t want to hurt you anymore—“

“i know what i’m doing.” wheein almost apologized for making it sound that way until yongsun spoke again. “just stay for two months.”

“you’re becoming obssessed”

yongsun suddenly pushing herself up had wheein stepping back. 

“two months. you’re leaving after two months. it doesn’t matter, right?”

the pause between them transitioned from heavy to chaotic. what the fuck was she on about?

“i know you’ve been tired for so long and i know we’re hurting so much but iknow what I’m doing. stay for two months—just two months then, you can go.”

bullshit.

what was this bullshit and where did it come from?

“yongsun, stop.” wheein tried making sense of the idea as she brushed her hair back but the puzzle pieces didn’t fit

“two months. give me two months for a fresh start and if that doesn’t work, i will open the door for you,”

it’s been a while since yongsun has been this determined. ironic it had to be during this time, face soaked with tears and hair disheveled from the chaos.

“we will start from the beginning,”

two months.

“two months,” wheein repeated with a low defeated voice. laptop returned on the desk, wheein walked to the kitchen and gripped on the counter’s edges. this will hurt. everything will hurt again.

_*if this hurt you more than it already is, it’s not my fault anymore.*_


End file.
